Pranks – Old April Fools Saturday, April 1, 2000 Tradewars.org to cease operations by mk
This has been a while coming. As of next thursday, April 6th, Tradewars.org will cease operations. I’m sure you are all asking, “What are you doing! Stop messing with our minds, man!”
The truth of the matter is that I lead two lives. “Joel Gonzales” who attends college at the University of Louisiana is my pseudonym. He doesn’t exist. My real name is Steve Burns. I host Blue’s Clues, which can be seen five days a week on Nick Jr. I used the other name simply as a cover as I like my privacy.
Now on to the reason I’m quitting: as it stands, one Blue’s Clues episode takes five months of work to complete. (Multiple episodes are done at the same time) However, my role in each episode will be increasing and I no longer have the time to run this site.
On the left is a picture I sent to Cruncher. On the right is a picture of myself. It’s suprising no one has sent me an email saying, “You look like that guy from Blue’s Clues!” Maybe it’s because I’m wearing a hat.
Next, I will be selling the tradewars.org domain for $75 (The price I paid for it) under the following conditions:
a) The Home Sector is unaffected
b) I keep the firstname.lastname@example.org email address
If you are interested, contact me. Lastly, I’ll be making my goodbyes on Thursday.
Nik to Sue Himself
In breaking news today, Nik has announced that he will be suing himself. “I caught myself saying, ‘Attac suxs,’ and if anyone should be suing this person, it should be me.” Will Smith, Nik’s lawyer, has said to TWWU that, “This is a remarkable case that I think that has the potential of creating new paradigms in how law is done.”
With the expected money Nik is expecting to make with this case, he’s told us that he’s already making plans to port ATTAC to Machine Language. “I plan to forgo the limitations of Visual Basic, and intend to port ATTAC straight to Machine Language. This should cut the size of ATTAC from 7 Megs to 6, and is going to be made a reality by this impending lawsuit.”
Human Population to evolve before TWE’s release
Recent studies have given an interesting turn to TWEnhancer’s development. The studies states that the Human population will evolve to a higher state of being before TWEnhancer will be released. “Even though humans will be living in a state of pure energy, I will still try to release TWEnhancer in case any would be aliens ever find out about Tradewars and need a good helper. That way, those Aliens would elevate me to god status, and then I’d make $$$ for the registrations.” said Saluki. Saluki Enterprises is an invester in TWWU.
Nik’s 2002 Web Heaven Blasted…. Literally
Late last night, Nik’s 2002 Web Heaven’s server was blasted by a Nuclear Missle. Fortunatelly, Both Nik and Earth had left 1 hour prior to the Missle’s impact. The IP header retrieved on the Missle points to a band of Gypsies living in the country of Azi, located in North America. Ricardo Gin, the leader of Azi, has said, “This is absurd that we’re being pointed to for this Attac. If we sent out this missle, it obviously would have been while Nik would have been AT the site! Think about it people!” Further investigations are being planned.
Wedsday, April 1st, 2014
New Bug in HVS TW2032
A new Bug has just been found in the latest Version of HVS’s Virtual Reality (VR) Port of Tradewars 2032. The bug seems to open a dimentional rift to the year 1998. Right now, I can see Mana Knight, our owner, sitting down doing nothing! ARGH. HVS says this bug will be fixed in the next fix-pack.
Colonists take over Family Entertainemnt for Oysters
Colonists on Family Entertainment have taken over FamEnt’s server as a result of a lack of Oysters.
“Without Oysters, how can we reporduce? You have to realize that Reproduction in the data realm is not pleasent. Why make us suffer?” said Terra Ferrengal, the leader of the colonist revolt.
“Unfortunatelly, I have to side with them this time. While I normally would prevent this outrage, they’re Riot has a good cause. If you want to blame anyone, blame Cruncher for giving them this idea.” Commented Captain Zyrian, Fament’s chief of Police.
This is just one of the many problems Fament has had with it’s Tradewars game ever since it went self-aware late last year. HVS Buys out Microsoft
In an unpresidented move, High Velocity Software (Nasdaq HVS) has bought out Microsoft Corporation. This follows Martech’s Aquisition of Electronic Arts last month, and The Home Sector‘s buyout of Nintendo last year.
“Thanks to extrememly high sales our VR Port of Tradewars 2032, this buyout of Microsoft was possible.” said president Jeff Morinartery.
The new name will be HVS-Soft and its new slogan is already slated to be “Where do you want to (blind) T-warp today?” HVS’s stock jumped 16 to 666 points at Nasdaq’s close today. Hell has frozen over
TSIA. (Title Says it all.) The Home Sector has stayed at the same internet provider for 16 years.
Betty Ford Clinic Opens offical TW Rehab Center
Today, the Betty Ford Clinic Officially opened it’s TW Rehab wing. This wing is meant for serious Tradewars players who constantly need an influx of their favorite game every few hours to survive.
The cases of TW Addiction have been constantly rising ever since the first person diagnosed with this disease, Cruncher, was treated in 1998. The Recent Spectacular sales of Tradewars 2032 and the VR Port of Tradewars 2032 done by HVS have elevated this problem to the point of causing global economic colapse. We’ll keep you updated on further events.