The crazy duo of Mario and Luigi known as the Super Mario Bros. have landed on the EIS Forums! Ah, Those two wacky plumbers would do anything for a mushroom. Drug abuse conotations aside, it looks like Mario and Luigi had to change their names to Max and Lucifer Ligh before they started posting on the EIS forums to keep their identities hidden.

Unfortunatelly, the Mario Bros.(TM) are probably the worst thing to happen to the EIS Forum since Barefoot. Let’s take a look at a few of the insights the Mario Bros.(TM) have on Tradewars:

The Mario Bros.(TM) on Being Old School Gangstaz
“[Mario] tells me that the current generation of players think that they are better strategists than us old-timers. (BTW, if you weren’t playing in the single-node days you are not an old-school player.)”

This is the main problem with the Mario Bros.(TM) Since they consider themselves “oldsk00l,” they automatically think they have the right to become God and change the game as they see fit. I don’t care if you don’t use helpers. More power to you if you don’t. What I don’t like is people telling me how I should play the game. All I can say is that you better not tell me that I can’t use SST or Helpers because they cause cancer and make the game unfair. If you just happen to say that to me, I’ll probably be forced to change your name to some fictional video game character.

The Mario Bros.(TM) on Helpers and other things that make Baby Jesus cry:
“if a game must have 3rd party helper programs and command scripting to make it not be boring to it’s players, then this is a game in desperate need of a redesign. … Why not just eliminate the trade negotiations entirely, or simply go the whole hog and build the “helper” into the game itself?”

Well DUH. If you look around a few games, helpers and/or scripts basically are integrated into the game. Very few people don’t use them. Does it really matter if Tradewars has a helper built in? No.

As I’ve said before, Tradewars caters to the hardcore. One of the great things about that is we don’t have have to put up with the “D00d, can u give me some creds?” kind of people who run rampent in other games. The downside is that there is less money to be made so extras like integrating a helper into the game can’t be done.

The Mario Bros.(TM) on Geriatrics:
“I was writing FORTH code and hacking games like Telegard in the C64 and Apple IIplus while you were still getting beat up on the playground for your lunch money, son.”

I don’t care if you ported Nethack to an Atari 2600. You may have been around longer, but you still have about the same authority to change Tradewars as Gary Coleman does. Maybe if this were China where people respect their elders, things would be diffrent. But this is America and I’ll be damned if I start respecting them now.

The Mario Bros.(TM) on Challenging for Love and Honor:
“… no helper scripts, 350 turns per day. I’ll even take you at your word that you’ll not use helper scripts”

Smart Move Einstein. If your so against helpers, then why don’t you let them use the helpers and then kick their butt? (Note: Mario did allow the opposing team to use helpers, but this line just being said should tell you something.)

I’m probably throwing this thing well out of proportion. After all, only three people are constantly proclaiming that the game be changed: The Mario Bros. and Barefoot. It’s an incredibly small – but also incredibly vocal – Minority. I wish everyone had the same attitude as The Guardian (Not to be confused with Guardian) does: let them use helpers, I play the way I do because I like it.